Aim : To offer space for reflection on what it means to be a man and to connect with insights from the story of Jesus.

The way this material is selected will depend to some extent on the sense of the group meeting. Will it be men only? Men and women?

Things you will need:

• Magazines and newspapers containing pictures of men
• Any copies of questions and quotations needed for reflection
• Video machine and video of the film Billy Elliot

Suggestion for focal point: A cloth and candle around which can be placed the pictures.

• Invite people to spend some time looking through magazines. They should pick out a picture of a man who strikes them. Tear it out and spend some time looking at it. What is the image of masculinity the picture conveys - and how do you react to it? People can give feedback to the rest of the group.

• What are the words and phrases which occur to people if they are asked to describe a typical man? Check with the following list:

strong gentle powerful creative in control decisive confident weak

wishy-washy rational passionate silent aggressive detached

co-operative warrior competitive breadwinner parent

nurturing open expert imaginative artistic vulnerable

• Do people agree on the idea of a "typical male"? Where do these ideas come from? Are these words applicable to women? Which images are healthy and unhealthy? Are there ways in which the "image" has changed over the years? Why?

• Many commentators suggest that the word "endangered" should be added to the pictures and stereotypes.
  
  Consider:

Men on average live shorter lives than women.

Young men are more likely to be involved in violence.

Girls outperform boys at school.

Men are more likely to commit suicide.

• Can people think of other factors, for or against the assertion:

"It's still a man's world."

How do you respond to this?

• In a period of quiet people might like to try the following:

What men have influenced your understanding of what it is to be a man and how? Fathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, teachers, heroes? How have these influenced you?

• Do you ever feel you can say any of the following?

I'm afraid ...

I need ...

I can't ...

I feel ...

Reflect on this poem by James Kavanaugh Maybe if I loved you more:

Women gather
Free to chat of impotent husbands
and not quite forgotten lovers,
Sharing old dreams with old or new friends
and confiding desperation,
Baring souls and unburdening hearts,
Then leave relaxed and laughing,
Promising to lunch again soon,
Freed from the pain of not knowing.
Men gather
Free to boast of the money they've made
or will make soon - or the women,
Displaying how strong and controlled they are
and unafraid of competition,
Sharing triumphs and hiding themselves,
Then leave with a handshake and say "See you around,"
Bleeding silently within themselves,
Bearing the pain of not knowing.

• Do these contrasting images of meetings reflect your experiences? How?

• Are there thoughts and memories you want to pray about?

Introduction to Session 2 - excerpts from the video Billy Elliot

• First excerpt - The boxing ring.

• Billy Elliot is the son of a coal miner growing up in the North of England with his widowed father and overbearing brother. He is expected to follow them eventually into the coal mines and develop an interest in boxing.

Billy becomes interested in dancing, much to the horror of his father. But his overwhelming desire to dance gives him the courage to explore the boundaries of what it means to be creative and male in a macho environment. In time a transformation of attitudes happens in the father and brother, posing the question of what it means to be " a Real Man."

In the film, when the boxing coach fails to find the potential in Billy to be a boxer, he says: "You are a disgrace to those boxing gloves, your father, and the traditions of this boxing club and town."

View the excerpt where Billy's father finds him in the ballet class for the first time. "Ballet is for girls, not lads. Lads do football, or wrestling; boxing - not ballet ..."

• Be with the images of masculinity that this excerpt conveys. How does it compare to your own image and feelings about masculinity?

• How do the following words fit the different ideas of what it means to be male:

Strong, powerful, aggressive, creative, in control, competitive, breadwinner, expert, silent, daring, gentle, crying?

• Second excerpt - The father seeing Billy dance for the first time.

• Conversation between Billy and his young gay friend in the club, including the father seeing Billy dance for the first time. He has no words, a time of conversion - of transformation, of recognition, of acceptance.

• Remember moments in your own life where you have experienced a transformation in what it means for you to be a male - a "real man."
  
• Have there been times in your life when your ideas and experience of being a man differed entirely from someone you are close to?
  
• Reflect on those male role models in your life that you have been most influenced by.
  
• What images of maleness do you struggle with? How would you want your son or nephew to grow up?

Following Bill's audition with the Royal Ballet, London, and as they wait to see if Billy is accepted, doubts surface. His grandmother advises him, "Get yourself a trade, son ... do something useful."

• Does this strike a chord with you? Do you equate your maleness with being useful?

In the final interview with the Royal Ballet Directors, a female director asks Billy, "What does it feel like when you dance?" Billy struggles to say what he feels and then says, "It feels good. I have this fire in my body ... I'm flying ... it's just like electricity."

• Reflect on what this means in your own life

His dancing teacher tells Billy, "Go out and find life ... God calls us to be fully human, fully alive."

• What does this have to say to you about being a real man?

• Invite people to explore some of these pictures of men in the Bible and to explore reactions and pray with them:

Mark 3.27   The parable of the Strong Man

Galatians 4.12-19   Weakness and labour pains

John 11.29-37   Jesus weeps for his friend

Ephesians 6.10ff   A soldier of Christ

John 19.1-5   "Behold the man"

Luke 13.34   The mother hen

Hebrews 12.1-2   The athlete and the pioneer

John 21.27   Intimate male friend

Mark 11.14   Anger

• Or people might like to reflect on images of God:

father mother warrior artist judge

shield sun fountain high tower

healer leader Spirit wisdom victim

• Can you think of others? Which speak to you?

• Think about this image from native North American culture:

Before the physical and cultural invasion of the whites, many American Indian tribes defined gender by social role rather than a person's biological sex. They created a third gender, the "berdache", a man who did not conform to the standard male role. Often homosexually oriented, the berdache dressed differently and had different social functions. He was not seen as a deviant, however. In fact, he was honoured because of his special spiritual powers. Gender flexibility still characterises some non-urban Indian life, as a Lakota shaman explains: "To us, a man is what nature, or his dreams, make him. We accept him for what he wants to be."

(Walter Williams The Spirit and the Flesh: Sexual Diversity in American Indian Culture, Beacon Press, Boston.)